When Your Creativity Takes a Leave of Absence

I’ve hit a wall.

That’s the only way I know how to describe it. That part of my brain that feeds me my ideas and rich plots and flashes of beauty to put down on canvas is seemingly taking a vacation and I have no discernible clue on how to get it back. I sit down at my computer and stare at the words I’ve already written, marveling at how in the hell I got these thoughts down on paper in such a way that makes me want to keep reading. And why I can’t seem to do it now. The paintings I’ve created since this summer began have not challenged me, and in turn seem mediocre in my eyes compared to when I was learning new techniques and all things art excited me. All in all, this summer has not been kind, and I’ve been struggling with what to do about it. So yesterday I made a decision:

Work it anyway.

I will continue to write even if the chapters are flat and dull and tiring. I will continue to hone my painting skills, despite how impossible it seems, or how loud that voice in the back of my head is screaming that I’m just not talented enough. I’ll make mistakes and live with them, because anything is better than not creating at all. The most important thing is to know what you want and not lose your grip on it no matter what life throws at you. You’re only as good as you allow yourself to be, and I haven’t allowed myself to take much joy in anything as of late. Life feels small, too quiet, uninspired, and therefore anything I’ve written or created feels like it’s not worthy. My brain is urging me to quit, because wouldn’t it be easier?

I’ve spent my whole life quitting on things, and I won’t do it this time. No matter how tough it is, I’m going to keep going, keep writing, keep painting, until that little piece of my mind comes back and unpacks it’s bags and sticks around for a while. It will only come back if I care enough to work it even when it isn't fun or easy, I know that much to be true.